Fortuitous
by Sano
Summary: AU. Genjo Sanzo, the hottest, coolest, most desirable bartender in town experiences love for the first time in the form of a green-eyed brunette. Yaoi, angst


Fortuitous 

By: Sano

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura. I am only writing this for yaoi lovers who hunger for more yaoi fics.

Note: This fic is set in an Alternate Universe, so it has no connection with the series, except the characters of course. Well, the fic is definitely yaoi. I hope you'll survive through it!

*^^*

I watch in awe, although I do not look like it, while the green flawless jeep sailed through the road. My eyes narrow slightly as I caught sight of a tuft of brown hair settled atop a beautiful elfin face, but most of all I noticed the pair of green eyes.

"Oi, Sanzo! Stop daydreaming and get to work!" Mr. Tasaki, my employer, shouted at me.

I fought not to roll my eyes and slid the shot glasses along one side of the bar. I checked my watch. 7:30 PM. It wouldn't be long till the crowd came into the bar for a night of wild fun. I checked the assortment of liquor bottles under the counter, checking to make sure if everything I would need for the night was there.

Though I would never admit it to anyone, I enjoyed my job as a bartender. I only worked at nights, while at mornings I went to my classes. The afternoons would be used for studying. So basically, I was always busy on weekdays.

While I was polishing the bar, my mind strayed off to the beautiful guy on the jeep. I wonder who he is? I never saw him around town before; maybe he was new in town? Hn. I was only able to catch a bit of his appearance before the guy zoomed off.

Ch', maybe he was another one of those I'm-richer-than-anyone-else-on-the-world guys. But he didn't look like it. 

Night fell and music was played. A group of High school students streamed in through the door, laughing and chatting happily.

The first costumer walked up to the bar, a girl with pretty purple eyes. She gave me a smile and batted her eyelashes flirtatiously. "Hey."

This time, I finally did roll my eyes, girls these days. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. "What will you have?" I spoke gruffly.

She seemed taken aback at my tone. Her smile disappeared. She gave me her order, I quickly gave her the drink and she left. She quickly joined her friends, not even giving me a backward glance.

I felt the corner of my lips quirk upward in a smirk as I watched her walk away.

One down, another 199 more to go

*^^*

"Tadaima!" I called out as I opened the door to our two-story home. I dropped my book bag on the floor beside the closet. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and walked into the kitchen and found my father standing in front of the stove, an apron around his waist.

"Oh, Genjo, Okaeri." My father, Komyo Sanzo, greeted me. I nodded at him and sat down on the kitchen table.

"Oh, by the way, I'll be at work tonight so don't wait for me at dinner." I informed him, usually I have Wednesdays off, but the other bartender who was supposed to be working was sick, so I had to fill in his shift. Usually I'd blow off the offer, but the extra money was always appreciated.

Tousan sighed and placed a plate of Okonomiyaki on the table. "You know you don't have to work, Koryu." He explained, the concern evident in his voice. He uses the nickname he gave me since I was small. Tousan told me that I always liked swimming so he gave me the name of a vast river he found in a legend. 

I tapped a finger against the table noisily. "I know that, but I like having the extra money." I reasoned. Sometimes I favored my old man's concern, but when he debated about my working I just wanted to leave and go to my room.

"But isn't it too much work for you?"

I raised my eyes to meet his. "No, it isn't. I'm fine, really." I grabbed one of the Okonomiyaki on the table, ran up the stairs, and slammed the door to my room shut behind me.

*^^*

"Oi, hurry up Sanzo! The ice cream truck will get away!" My cousin, Goku, admonished me while insistently tugging on the sleeve of my shirt towards an ice cream truck.

"Urusai! That won't go anywhere! It's not a truck, baka saru! See? It has its own stall!" I whacked him on the head. Ch' I hate babysitting for my pathetic excuse for an aunt. I looked down at Goku's cheerful face and sighed.

Okay, okay, I admit it. I sometimes value the kid's company; he was about the only other relative – besides my Father – that I get along with. My other relatives think that I'm 'a black sheep'. As once I heard them talking about me. They can call me whatever they want, I didn't care, that way they wouldn't bother me.

I handed Goku the money for the ice cream, as he was instructing the ice cream salesman behind the counter what flavors he wanted, I walked over to one of the park railings and leaned against it.

I threw my head back, letting the autumn air caress my blonde locks, and closed my eyes. I let my mind drift, and it slowly formed an image of brown, tousled hair…and jade green eyes. My mouth formed a small smile. I usually don't favor men, but I don't fancy women either. But this one is an exception. I remember a song of a foreign artist…hm…what was that song called again? Oh yeah, it was titled 'Beautiful stranger'. A perfect fit.

The sound of high-pitched laughter broke into my daydream and my eyes snapped open. I felt my heart skip a beat and I felt my eyes widen.

Standing in front of me now is the green-eyed beauty that I have been dreaming about since last week. He was smiling, an ice cream cone in his hand. He looked so beautiful, the sun was reflected in his eyes, and they sparkled even brighter than the sunlight reflecting in the pond. 

I suddenly had the urge to swim in those emerald pools. I took a step towards him and hesitated. Why am I doing this? He's just some guy; such a fellow shouldn't bother me.

But maybe if I know his name the dreams that I've been having about him might stop. Yeah, that's probably it. Maybe his eyes have been meddling in my mind so much because I was bothered that I didn't know his name. Yeah…that's it…

I started to stroll towards him, and just when I was about to say 'Hey' to him. A girl with flowing chestnut hair and green eyes bounded up to him and wound her arm around his.

"Konnichiwa, Kawaii-chan. Have you been waiting long?" The girl chirped cheerfully. I stopped dead in my tracks. I suddenly felt an ache in my chest and my hands automatically curled into fists at my sides.

The one called 'Kawaii-chan' chuckled. "Yes I have, I've been waiting for my beautiful princess to come for hundreds of years. But it seems that Kami-sama didn't answer my prayers." He quipped. The girl pretended to be hurt and pinched his cheek.

"Baka ne! You should respect me you know!" She reprimanded.

The guy laughed again. "Sumimasen. You should really stop calling me 'Kawaii-chan'. We're not small children anymore." The girl pouted.

"But it suits you!" She exclaimed and pecked him on the cheek. I turned away from such a display and walked quickly to my previous location.

By the time I reached the rails, I was breathing heavily. I ran a hand through my hair. I suddenly had difficulty breathing. Placing my arms on the metal, I leaned my body fully and took in deep breaths.

A dull pain was throbbing in my chest, I didn't know what it meant, but I didn't care either. So what if the guy already has a girlfriend? I didn't even know his name! I slumped a little and let my blonde tresses cover my eyes. It was no surprise; any girl would be blind not to notice him.

I could still hear the girl's laughter so I decided to just go home. I didn't bother about Goku, he could go home by himself, and he wasn't a small child anymore.

But just as I was walking through the park exit, a hand held onto my wrist and I looked down to see Goku's face scrunched up in annoyance.

"You we're going to leave me!" He exclaimed angrily, catching the attention of people all around us. I caught sight of the brunette and his annoying 'girlfriend' staring at us and I grabbed a hold of the scruff of Goku's collar, dragging him out through the metal gates.

"Demo, Sanzo!"

"Urusai! I'll take you home!" I snapped and rounded around the corner, losing sight of the beautiful stranger that plagued my dreams.

Yeah right, knowing his name would make me feel better my ass!

*^^*

I was filling up shot glasses with vodka at work when I felt a hand descend on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Gojyo, a co-worker, smiling at me teasingly.

"What's the matter, Sanzo-sama? You look a bit distracted."

I ignored him and continued to take the orders of the other people that lined up the counter. I shook off his hand roughly. "Mind your own business." I muttered angrily.

"Oops! I forgot, Sanzo-sama is omnipotent, he cannot be touched nor can he be talked too." I felt my blood boil as the redheaded womanizer danced an idiotic little dance. Pointing to me and calling me 'Sanzo-sama' while the other people in the bar laughed.

I lost control and punched him in the nose. He staggered back, his red eyes wide with surprise. I could feel the adrenalin race in my veins as he stood up and glared at me. I let a self-satisfied smirk cross my face.

"Why did you do that, teme!?!" He shouted. People were crowding around us now.

I folded my arms across my chest and leveled his glare. "Nothing really…" I waved a hand nonchalantly in the air and jumped over the counter, the crowd immediately parted to make some room for me to go through. Some men were muttering obscenities about me under their breaths while the others – particularly the women – cheered for me.

I ignored the loud shouts and whistles and went through the wooden doors that would lead to the locker rooms. I opened my locker and took out the pack of cigarettes that I kept there. The bar allowed smoking, but the privilege was for costumers only.

I flipped open my lighter and lit the cigarette. As soon as the nicotine smoke filled my lungs I immediately felt better. I sat down onto one of the wooden benches lined up besides the row of lockers.

I finished the cigarette and lit another, then another one followed that, then another. Just when I was in the process of lighting my sixth cigarette, Mr. Tasaki came barging in, with is portly body and red face; his appearance is a striking resemblance to a very juicy tomato.

"What kind of crap did you pull just now!?! Your crass display almost made a few costumers leave! This would spread around town and nobody will come into the bar again!" He bellowed angrily into my face. "I will have your head for this if that happens, Genjo Sanzo!" He turned on his heel and left.

Hn. That pig would get what he deserves someday. And he gave really lame lectures. I didn't even bat an eyelash. He was so angry that he didn't even notice the cigarette in my mouth. I stubbed it out and stalked out of the room.

I went behind the bar and noted that Gojyo was no longer present. The guy was probably out in the back mending his injury. I grabbed a cloth and wiped some spilled liquor on the counter.

"Sumimasen."

I looked up and my eyes met with emerald green ones. The color drained from my face and I suddenly found myself speechless for the first time.

The green-eyed brunette cocked his head to the side in confusion and regarded me with concern. "Anou…are you all right?" He asked gently. Despite the booming music I could hear him clearly.

I opened my mouth then closed it, opened it again then closed it again. The words wouldn't form. My heart was beating so loudly that I swear it would burst at anytime. I felt so tongue-tied, and I never have before!

The same girl I saw with him 3 days ago stepped up beside him. "What's the matter?" She shouted over the loud music.

An intense emotion I haven't felt before suddenly raced in my blood. Was it annoyance, anger…or even jealousy? 

"What'll you have?" I blurted out at the thought. I never get jealous, Genjo Sanzo is never jealous of anyone!

"White wine, please." The girl chirped politely. I kept myself from gritting my teeth and forced to pour some wine into a flute glass. After I gave the glass to the girl, I turned to the green-eyed guy, my eyebrows raised questioningly.

Though I looked pretty casual and cool on the outside, my emotions were in a whirlwind inside. I couldn't make my pulse slow down, my heart was beating a mile a minute, and my palms were all sweaty that I wiped them irritably on my pants. All because of the mere presence of a guy that I didn't know whose name was yet.

He shook his head and smiled. "Oh, no thanks. I don't drink much." He answered apologetically, and then he reached down and tousled the girl's hair. "But I bet this one would get you on your toes for the night." He chuckled and it was the most pleasant sound I have ever heard.

The girl scowled and bopped him on the head angrily. "Hidoi! I'm not an alcoholic!" She retorted hotly and whirled around to face me. "Don't mind him, my Oniichan will have a martini. Two olives." She affirmed.

Did I just hear her right? Did I just hear her say…? She called the guy 'Oniichan'? A laugh escaped my lips. Of course! Why didn't I notice it before? I looked closely at their features and it hit me with stunning clarity how similar they looked. I was focusing so much on my own emotions – and a bit on my obsession – and didn't even try to get to know them!

Another laugh left my mouth and soon I was covering my mouth and trying to muffle my laughter. The siblings were watching me with a strange expression; I must look like a fool to them. 

The male brunette cocked his head to the side. "Anou…is there something funny?" He asked. 

I forced my laughter under control and wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes. "Iie. Nothing. I just remembered something funny." I replied.

Then the most beautiful thing in the world happened. The guy's green eyes suddenly sparkled despite the dark lighting of the room. And if it was even possible, his smile widened even more, flashing sparkly white teeth that would really fit for a toothpaste commercial.

"What's your name?" He asked politely.

I paused as I read in between the lines, but there wasn't anything to read. I shook my head mentally. Baka! He just wants to know my name. Maybe he finds me a bit interesting? Even at the simple inquiry I couldn't keep my face from heating up.

I finally noticed that too much time has passed and that the guy's smile was now forced. "Genjo Sanzo." I hastily said. "Yours?"

This time, the gleam of the smile came back in full force. "Cho Hakkai. And this is my little sister, Kana." He gestured towards the girl who was currently occupied by Gojyo. And by the looks of it, the redhead was flirting with her like crazy. She giggled at every word he said like a little schoolgirl.

The tension that I've been feeling from the last two weeks somehow disseminated into the air, and I've never felt better for a long time. "So, Hakkai-san. What'll you be having?" I asked, casually leaning onto the counter, and closer to Hakkai in the most innocent way possible.

"Some sake would do, Sanzo-san." He responded. Something changed between us, and a sparkle in his eyes made me do a double take. I could've sworn…but was there a touch of mischief in his smile? I ran a hand through my hair and got two cups, one for him and one for myself. 

As I was pouring some sake into the cups, our eyes met and I felt a chill run through my body. I gave him a small smile and downed my cup in one swallow.

It was going to be a very interesting night.

*^^*

I set the last chair in the bar in an upside-down position on top of the table and turned to Hakkai. "Are you sure its okay for you to help close up? What about your sister?" I asked him as I helped him haul a box of tequila bottles behind the counter.

"She's with her friends. Don't worry about her." Hakkai answered smoothly. We cleared up everything and pulled down the metal gates and fastened them with locks. We were walking down a dark alleyway were Hakkai's jeep was parked when I suddenly felt an air of dizziness and swayed from side to side only to smack right into Hakkai's arms.

I blinked up at him owlishly. "Um, thanks. The sake must be getting to me. We did have a lot." I should get out of his arms now, but they felt surprisingly good around my small frame. Hakkai didn't seem to have any objections about it.

Time passed, but neither of us moved. I squirmed a bit in his arms. "I think I'll walk home." I muttered softly and tried to remove his arms, but he tightened them around me. I stopped moving and stared into his eyes. "Hakkai-san?" I whispered quietly.

"Just call me Hakkai." He insisted, his green eyes staring into mine. And the next thing I knew, we were pressed up against the wall, our hands roaming each other's bodies, and our mouths pressed so tightly as if they were to meld together.

I tear my mouth away from his to scatter kisses down his jaw and neck. He moaned softly and I tightened my arms around him the more. There was a feeling in my body. I felt as if I plunged into an endless pit and I was falling. I'm almost half-mad with this feeling coursing through me, unlike anything I have felt before.

Before, if someone had asked me if I've made love to anyone, I'd tell them to go to hell and probably give him or her a punch or two. I was averse to any kinds of physical contact with people, except for my father of course, but a quick hug or a complementary pat on the back was hardly the case.

But for now it felt like the most natural thing to do. I hunger for this. I hunger for more. I felt as if I wouldn't let Hakkai go if I could help it. The realization that we were in an alleyway, anyone could just walk up and see us in such a state. I couldn't care less for those but I wanted this moment to be in a more…fitting place.

I extracted myself from his lips and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "C'mon, let's go some place more…private." I gave him a smile and tugged him towards the jeep.

And the rest was history.

*^^*

I watch his face quietly, my chin upon my hand from our table on the outdoor café. He was smiling joyfully, his hands full of breadcrumbs that he tosses to the ducks on the pond.

We had decided to go out, and by some bizarre twist of fate, Hakkai had been able to convince me to spend the day in the zoo. Figures. Hakkai has always been fond of animals, it didn't matter to him how big or dangerous or vicious they were, what mattered to him was that they were animals.

I haven't been much into the animal-feeding activity; I was content just sitting here in the café, my laptop open before me on the table. I was typing my term paper – or trying to – I just couldn't help but watch him do just about anything.

We've been together for 4 months now, on the first two we decided to move into our own apartment. My father didn't have any protests about our relationship, Hakkai and Kana didn't have any parents but he did talk to their aunt whom they were staying with. At first the old woman was very reluctant to let her precious little boy go with a big, bad man, as Kana had told me once. But Hakkai talked to her and she agreed finally, she couldn't stop him even if she said no.

"Sanzo!" Hakkai waved cheerily and ran over to the table and sat down on the chair beside me. His face was flushed with excitement, and his green eyes were sparkling. He was such a kid.

"So, are you finished?" I asked flatly.

"Not yet. We still have to see the elephant show!" He unfolded a brochure with the zoo's schedule and stared at its contents. His eyes went wide and he started to pull me out of my chair. "Let's go! The show starts in 15 minutes!"

I rolled my eyes and tucked my laptop under my arm. I followed him, his arm wounded around mine and our hands entwined together.

We arrived outside a artistically colored tent, a booth was beside it and a line of people was already there. Hakkai dragged me over to the end of the line and again I obeyed. I could watch the elephant show with him for a million times, as long as I see him smile.

His smile means everything to me.

We were waiting in the line for ten minutes and Hakkai was beginning to fidget impatiently, a smile touched my lips and I slipped an arm around his waist. "Don't worry too much, these shows start late, it will probably start in thirty minutes." I assured him softly.

Hakkai nodded. "Okay." He cleared his throat and coughed a few times.

Then, he suddenly leaned onto me fully, and I struggled to keep him upright. "Hakkai? What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"Sanzo…I can't breathe!" He whispered urgently. He fell into my arms and we crashed to the ground. He had blacked out. Several people had gathered around us, and my eyes were wide with worry. I stood up and carried him into my arms.

"Hakkai! Hakkai! Call an ambulance!"

*^^*

A doctor emerged from the emergency room and I immediately rushed out of Kana's arms and ran to the man. "How is he?" I asked. Please let him be okay, I don't know what I'll do without him.

The doctor took of his glasses and placed them in a pocket in his white coat. "He's okay." I exhaled the breath I didn't know I was holding. "But it seems that he has a heart condition…" He continued to babble on about Hakkai's heart disease, but I wasn't listening. He finally stopped and left, wasn't able to absorb much of what he said, but only one stood out from all of them.

Hakkai's heart disease was fatal; he may die at any moment, even if he was doing the simplest thing, like opening the mail. But if he would have heart surgery he would be fine, but waiting for a heart donor would take a while, and time was a luxury that he didn't have.

I fell to my knees. My mind  - and heart – couldn't handle this prospect right now. Hakkai…Hakkai…could go at any moment.

And I couldn't do anything to prevent it.

*^^*

I've been taking care of Hakkai as immaculately as I could since then. I gave him everything he wanted, whatever he needed. I came home from work as early as I could everyday, and I rush home from class just so I could check up on him. He did his own stuff too, like helping out at the flower shop that he and Kana owned, but since that day Kana had always made him do as less work.

At one time we almost had a fight. He complained that he wasn't able to do anything. I told him that he needed to rest, but he disagreed. He said that he was still alive and was able to move around. We patched things up, eventually. I don't want something like that to happen again.

But today is a very special day. It's Hakkai's birthday, and I've planned something very special. I asked for the day off at work and I excused myself from class, now I'm waiting for Hakkai to get home.

I held the pair of tickets in my hand. I had decided to take him to that new Amusement that he'd been talking about for days. I can't wait to see his face light up when he sees this.

I must've waited for hours before I finally heard the door open and Hakkai's voice, shouting 'Tadaima!' I smile and walk towards the living room where I find Hakkai lying down on the sofa, his feet propped up on the sofa's arm. I jump over the sofa's head with feline grace and sit down on the other arm.

"Happy Birthday, Hakkai." I whisper quietly, lean down and kiss him passionately. He responded fully and he pulled me over to the couch on top of him. I obliged and pushed my tongue past those soft lips and into the warmth within.

After a few minutes of breathless kissing, I held up the two tickets up to his face. I felt butterflies flutter in my stomach when I was presented with that dazzling smile of his. "C'mon, let's go." I muttered breathlessly in his ear, I started to get up but he pulled me down again.

"Just a few more minutes." He replied and kissed me again. I nodded and pulled him closer to me.

*^^*

"That was so much fun!" Hakkai exclaimed as he bounded into our room. We had just gotten back and it was well past midnight. I was so tired so I just flopped down onto the bed, Hakkai lied down beside me and I wound an arm around his shoulders.

He gave me a kiss on the forehead and settled on the crook of my neck. "Ne, Sanzo…Arigato for such a wonderful present." He whispered.

"No problem. It's the least I can do." I replied automatically. He didn't have to thank me; I should be the one who should be thanking me. Before I was living in the dark, not knowing what to do but he just waltzed in like a ray of sunshine and brightened up my life immediately. 

If I think about my life, everything felt so surreal. Not even in my wildest dreams that I thought I would be able to love someone, so much that sometimes I even forgot about my life outside our relationship. Scratch that. Hakkai was as every part of my life as I was of his. Nothing would change that.

"Hakkai?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

I breathed in deeply, awaiting his response. Agonizing moments passed by. I was about to open my mouth and tell him to forget what I said, but his voice broke the tranquil night.

"I love you too."

I smiled and Hakkai broke away from my embrace and stood in front of me. He shed his clothes down to his boxers. He stood in front of me, a gentle smile on his face.

I opened my arms and he went into them willingly.

*^^*

"Ohayo ne…"

I opened my eyes slowly and winced. The early morning rays were streaming into the room, and they were too bright. I squeezed my eyes shut, but Hakkai wouldn't have any of that and pinched my nose so I was forced to breathe through my mouth.

He let go and I glared at him. "Let me sleep. I would be up if it weren't for you last night." He smiled sweetly.

"You didn't have to if you didn't want to."

"Shut up." I coveted his breath into a kiss and he melted into it eagerly. He wrapped his arms around me and I covered the sheets over us.

We were well over on our way when someone knocked on the door. "I'll get it." I muttered vaguely into Hakkai's lips. I tried to pull away from him but he wouldn't let go. "Oi, Hakkai." I said.

He sighed. "Yare, yare…" He let me go and I hurried into a pair of pants. But before I got through the door, Hakkai pulled me to him and gave me a searing kiss.

I raised and eyebrow in question as his fingers traced the fine contours of my face, my eyebrows and my lips. "What's the matter?" I asked. He shook his head and ran his hand through my blond hair.

"I love you so much." He looked like e was about to cry so I gave him a hug.

"I know. I love you too. You know that." I gave him a kiss on the forehead and turned to answer the door. 

I opened it to see a very annoyed Kana standing on the doorstep. "Well, it took you long enough." She retorted and walked into the apartment. I shrugged and followed her.

"Where's Oniichan?" She asked.

"I'll get him." I offered and walked into the bedroom. I saw him lying on the bed, the sheets wrapped around him. I sat down on the edge of the bed and poked him on the side.

"Oi, get up. Kana's here."

There was no answer. I smiled; Hakkai is very hard wake up. He could sleep through a war when he wanted to. I lied down beside him and patted him on the cheek. "Wake up!"

Still no answer, I shook him gently. But he didn't even stir. I was suddenly felt with a heavy feeling. "Oi, Hakkai! Wake up!" I ordered steely.

But he just laid there, his face contorted into a happy – and contented – smile. I panicked. I slapped him across the face, hard. "Get up! Dammit!" I yelled. But he didn't move.

I pressed my ear over his heart. I listened intently. There was nothing. No beat. Not a sound. I checked his pulse, but it was the same. 

No. This isn't happening…

Hakkai…Hakkai isn't…

I couldn't even bring myself to think it. I wrapped my arms around him and ran my hand through his hair. "Hakkai…please…wake up…" I begged. I felt the tears rising up my throat. "No! You're alive! I know it! Wake up, Hakkai!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Kana came running in at that moment, and when she saw me with Hakkai cradled in my arms, her face broke and she fell down on the floor in a sobbing heap. I couldn't comfort her. I couldn't even control myself at this moment.

I let the dam of tears to break out, my cries echoing in the apartment. I rocked my beloved's body back and forth, kissing his face. I whispered his name over and over again, hoping that the gods will hear my prayers and bring him back.

I've never felt so helpless in my life.

*^^*

"Are you sure?" My father asked me as I hung my jacket on the cloak closet.

I nodded. "I'm sure." He turned and closed the door behind him. I stood there silently for a few moments. The memorial service had gone longer than expected. Loved ones and even some of Hakkai's friends from college came, all of them saying goodbye to the most beautiful and amazing person in the world. 

Even some of my relatives came, all of them loved Hakkai, even my little cousin, Goku, came. I held him in my arms through the whole ceremony while he sobbed brokenly. He and Hakkai were so close; he loved Hakkai like a big brother.

I walked into the living room and fell down on the couch. I felt so drained. My eyes roamed the room and it fell on a picture of Hakkai taken on the night of his birthday, just last week, in the amusement park I took him.

He looked so happy, a smile on his face stretched from ear to ear. And he was standing in front of a fountain. The waters behind him shooting out aesthetically really made the picture perfect.

The tears coursed down my face. I made no move to brush them away. I've been crying all week. I couldn't stop it. I felt like a part of myself was ripped away from me.

I sighed and walked into the now tidy bedroom. Kana had cleaned it up two days ago. I went straight to the closet. I opened the drawers one by one and pulled out all of Hakkai's clothes. I took out some of the boxes were all of his stuff was stored and laid all of it around me.

Not that all of Hakkai's things surrounded me, I picked them one by one. Inspecting them. I wasn't looking for anything, but something in my mind told me to just do it.

I was rifling through one of the boxes were Hakkai's books were stored when a notebook fell out of one of the hardcover books. I picked it up and dusted it off. I stared at its leather cover; I squinted at it and was able to make out the words:

"The Diary of Cho Hakkai." I spoke aloud. I turned it over in my hands. I didn't know that Hakkai kept a journal. He never told me.

I read through it, I read about his emotions when we had our first fight. He sounded so upset, he wrote his deepest, darkest secrets in it. He wrote about his love for me, about how lucky he was to find me, and that he would never let me go.

Then I got to the part when he wrote about his heart condition. He sounded so sad. He was terrified. Not for himself. He was terrified of leaving me, and that was what struck me the most.

The last entry was on the night of September 21, his birthday. He must've written it while I was asleep. It shocked me to find out that he was feeling it that night; he wrote that he felt that he was going to die soon.

But the last statement made me sob uncontrollably.

"Sanzo told me he loves me tonight. I love him too. I love him so much. I know he'll be sad tomorrow when I go. But at least he knows, that I love him."

"Sayonara…Sanzo…"

I closed the diary shut and hugged it my chest. Sobs racked my body, and my chest felt so tight that it was hard to breathe. "Why did you leave me, Hakkai?" I whisper to no one.

I wish I never saw that jeep, I wish I never saw that tuft of beautiful brown hair, I wish I never drowned in those emerald pools of yours. I wish I never fell in love with you, I wish I was never born to feel this pain.

"I wish I wasn't lucky enough to meet you…"

^Owari^

*Sobs* now that's it people, my first deathfic. I couldn't stop crying while I wrote this. I wish I didn't have to kill Hakkai. But that's what it turned out to be. I hope you liked it people, though it is very angst-oriented. 

Please review!!


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